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Reviewer: Danger Kid

Category: Movie

Subject: Into The Blue


At the end of this film, the hero, Jared, pulls the remains of an ancient shipwreck out of the ocean. Suddenly the rope snaps under the weight and the wreck plunges back into the water. Jared laughs and turns the boat towards home, knowing the treasure will still be there tomorrow.

This is something the Jared from the start of this film would never do. The old Jared loved treasure! He loved it more than he loved his girlfriend! It is his life’s ambition to find some treasure.

But through the course of finding some treasure, running away from some drug dealers and shooting someone with a harpoon, Jared learns a valuable lesson. At one point he even offers all the treasure he has found in exchange for the life of his girlfriend. (in many ways she is the perfect girlfriend; she hates drugs but also quite likes treasure) Can you imagine the old Jared doing this? No it isn’t possible to imagine.

Instead imagine this: an impressive somersault on a jet-ski, some scuba-diving, a pirate and a long boring bit in the middle. You’ve just imagined Into the Blue. Unfortunately someone else imagined it first and then made this fairly run-of-the-mill film about it.

You probably think the lesson that Jared is forced to learn was that love is better than treasure. You are wrong. It is that love is better than following your life’s ambitions. That is an odd moral for a film. But it is the moral of this film, don’t bother watching it, just trust me, it is.

a LoVeLy PiCtUrE

Mark Out of Seven: 4

SEE IT AT CINEMA? it’s not out in the cinema anymore
GET IT ON DVD? maybe

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