Is somersault a scary film? well, only
if you are scared of australian "art-house" cinema.
and if you are scared of that you are a weirdo. i fell asleep
during the first two thirds of this movie so i really am not
qualified to say whether it is good or not. why don't you
go and see it for yourself if you're so interested? maybe
you have a "UGC Film pass" or some such rubbish.
Before this film i bought a chocolate bar called
a Violet Crumble - it wasn't violet, didn't taste like violets and
to be honest it didn't really crumble either. It cost me £1.80.
when i baulked at the ridiculous price, the chocolate bar selling
man told me "It's imported". yes it was some kind of australian
confectionry brought over specially for the Australian Film Festival
at The Barbican in London. big wows. i just
paid £1.80 for a Crunchie. yes it was like a crunchie bar
but worse. i don't even like crunchies. but it
was too late for a refund - those damned australians had double-crossed
me yet again! now they had my £1.80 and i had nothing but
a sub-standard crunchie. and in australia £1.80 can buy you
When i watched the film White Noise my friend
Screwball Wankball had the good fortune to purchase a bag of Minstrels
containing a minstrel that was made entirely of the hard minstrel
"shell"! can you imagine such a delight? once i had a
kit-kat that was all chocolate and no wafer. i though i had hit
the jackpot but soon it dawned on me that i might as well have bought
a Cadbury's Dairy Milk bar.
I also got told off for talking through the start
of this film. what the fools who chastised me did not realise, was
that what i was saying about how fit scarlett johhanson is was far
more interesting than the rubbish film they were straining to watch.
um, okay this is the film:
a girl snogs her mum's boyfriend after stroking his tattoo.
she runs away from home and starts sleeping with a gay man.
well maybe he is gay, he does kiss a man with a beard. they
go to a chinese restaurant. oh and the girl takes her clothes
what's that? you didn't like my football review?
couldn't be bothered to read it? well fuck off then.
Mark Out of
Seven (for the Violet Crumble):
SEE IT AT
GET IT ON DVD? no
WATCH IT ON TV? yes