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Reviewer: Armadillo

Category: Life

Subject: Sex

I'm a female, and have been for as long as I can remember. I can't say (with 100% certainty at least), that I have been a female all my life, because- for all I know, I may have been one of those weird babies with man bits and lady bits; my parents may have never told me about my operation, and could be slipping hormone replacement drugs into my Sunday roast when I go and visit each week. This is something I occasionally worry about when I can't sleep at night. It would explain a few things; why I have to bleach my faint moustache, my mildly aggressive personality to name but a few. I'm reviewing sex from a female/possible lady-boy perspective for the benefit of anyone who is interested.

Sex is generally better than most other things that two people who like each other, have a bit of spare time on their hands can do. Tennis is alright, but you need rackets and a net for that. It requires some degree of technical ability too.

Does sex require technical ability to make it good? Is anyone 'amazing' in bed?

On the radio I frequently hear female RnB and soul singers croon on about how their man has left them and they can't live with out his expert skills in the sack. I find this hard to believe, especially since I would happily trade any of my experiences with any of my former partners for an aromatherapy massage, three course dinner, or some other luxury treat.

OK- I'm not being 100% truthful there, because obviously some of those experiences will always be held dear to my heart and I like to think back on them and smile (bla bla bla). Some may be 'amazing' in terms of effort, artist flare and achievement, yes; 'amazing' in terms of technical ability - probably not. I'm sure many men have had this experience and this crosses the gender boundies (as I possibly do- must ask my mum about that....)

I reckon we should start to dispel this ridiculous myth that there are really people who are amazing in bed- though there are plenty who talk the talk and perpetuate the fallacy. Men are often come across as arrogant in this area, and are very bad at picking up the signs that their girlfriends are dissatisfied (for example, if your girlfriend is sulky after you have sex it probably means she got absolutely nothing from it, except possible cystitis).

Here is my idea, if people (male and female alike) leave their egos at the bedroom door - they will be more responsive and considerate lovers. Alternatively, I've got this all wrong, everyone else is having great sex, and it's due to a bodged op that I'm not having screaming orgasisms three times a night.

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